So I just wrote a post yesterday about the not-so-great things that happened so far, but today I really hit an all-time low. The past couple of weeks have been tough, but they hit me all at once, so I couldn’t really respond. But today, I just cracked. Like, want to sit at home, curl up into a ball, and cry.
Not knowing Korean is not only inconvenient, but really frustrating. I can’t communicate with anyone, and the second I speak English, they know I’m foreign. I hate the feeling of being foreign. It makes me feel really upset about myself. And the blank look I give Korean people when I can’t understand what they’re saying is really getting old. I’m sick of having to resort to that. Feeling embarrassed and sad about my current predicament is really getting old. I’ve been trying to learn Korean, but no matter how hard I try, it feels like I’ll never get fluent, or even good enough.
My KUBA buddy/group (the organization that helps study abroad students adjust to life at KU/Korea) never contacts me. There are 9 or 10 groups, and my fellow study abroad students from other groups always tell me how their buddy wants to hang out and shop with them and their buddy calls/texts them daily about how their day went and that their groups has weekly events…and what does my buddy/group do? Absolutely nothing. I’m really, really upset about this. Added to the stressful course registration situation and the not knowing any Korean and being a foreigner, this really tops the cake.
I’m really worried that I’ll resort to being anti-social like I tend to get when I’m feeling stressed or unhappy about my situation. I don’t know what to do. I hope this feeling will go away or I’m really going to start having problems. Sigh…