안녕, how are you guys doing these days?
I’ve been feeling very out of sorts lately. Uncertain about my life, sick of school, and to be honest, quite sick of life in general. I feel like I have no accomplishments, no skills, no talents, and very little chance of succeeding at anything I want to do. I’m sure you also have these kinds of phases, but honestly I’ve been feeling this for the past couple of years. It was when I discovered my love for Korea that my motivation started to rekindle, but lately any hope of that changing my life has been once again dwindling. I can’t connect with people either. It feels like there are no people out there that really understand me, nor do I come across anyone I even feel like I could relate to on a deeper level.
So…lately I’ve been writing in my Korean journal a lot. My partner reading it has been asking me what it is that’s been bothering me, but to be honest, I don’t think he could really understand the extent of how I feel judging by his English ability at this point. To be fair, I can’t understand anything deep he says in Korean, so I think we’re even in that respect. He’s also having a bit of a hard time here in America, and I feel like I’m drifting further and further away from him, which is kind of breaking my heart, but by the way he’s been acting lately, there’s frankly not much I can do about it.
So to continue my soulful, sad streak, here’s another entry in my Korean journal:
요즘은 난 정말 피곤하고 지쳤다. 정말 피공하고 지쳤는데…그래서 일기를 더 쓰고 싶은 것 같다. 늘 혼자 있고 싶다. 혼자서 조용하게 실고 싶다. 친구를 만나는 것도 불편해졌다. 요즘은 난 이곳 저곳 방황하는 것 같다. 위마가 없이, 목적이 없이, 의욕까지 없이 살고 있다. 자주 과거를 생각한다. 과거의 핸복한 순간들을 샣각한다. 예전에 완벽하지 않았어도 적어도 행복한 순간 있은 것 같다. 요즘은 사는 낙이 하나도 없다.
Mistakes are inevitable. Please forgive me ~
Since I don’t have inspiration much these days to write a lot about Korea and Korean learning, feel free to ask me questions in the comments here. Also, some people have been emailing me questions about Korea, and sorry I haven’t exactly gotten back to all of you. Some of your questions have been a bit difficult and out of my range of knowledge, so I’m still slowly working on them. Hope all is well ~
karainseoul 